Hello... please be patient while the site loads :D ~daph
19.9.07
i really don't know what to make of myself.
so conflicted, so stupid. grr.
i hate this blog. so angsty. must change blog soon. oops, random thought.
well, it turns out the decision now lies in my hands. from experience, these hands will ruin everything. i'm so afraid of making the wrong step. some people say do not think too much, even if it turns out to have been a wrong move after all, u know u won't regret it. really?
i don't want to have to look back and thank my very lucky stars and the very unlucky people for being so tolerant and patient with me again.
i think no matter what i choose.. i'll not be 100% happy. oh wait. why am i asking for such a perfect situation when no such thing exists.
is it really fair to go ahead with sth u urself are not confident in, and perhaps may not put ur all into? what if ur so unsure, should u still consider? i've always thought that something that lasts would have to have a good beginning. gee i don't know if this is one. if i condemn it as such now, how can i even think for a second about even saying yes cos i'd never have put in enough to make it work. that's the freak i am.
i really wanna resolve this quickly, i can't afford to think so much anymore. i can't afford to let others think so much too. i fear... fear the consequences of my decision. fear the uncertainties. fear retribution. fear the acceptance of both the good and bad. can't wait for the day when i've stopped fearing, then i'll know what i want. i fear, therefore i'm defensive.
a sorry in advance to everyone affected for my future decision. cos whatever it is, i still need to apologise for one thing or another.
-daph (8:58 pm) >>*
Daphne Tan; Singapore; Chinese; 17+; HCI; Buddhist; Aresian;
29031989; emotional; lazy; hungry; dreamer; loves: sleep; food;
music; dance; lights; webdsign; Korea!; dislikes: hypocrites;
gossips carried too far; stress; preachers;
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