Hello... please be patient while the site loads :D ~daph
berserk
22.2.07
so while all other bridges seem to start building at their sweet steady pace, this one seems just about to collapse entirely. why is it that whenever i want to make things right, it just goes entirely the other way?
i tried smiling through it all. i've been doing so well till now too. but it seems i'm once again back at that spot. gotta work hard to maintain that smile again.
i feel so different from the Daphne i knew long ago. but that was so long ago that i don't quite remember anymore. Come to think of it, i'm the Daphne i was back then, just less randomly cheerful. i think i remember being this emotional too.
-daph (8:57 pm) >>*
arrrhhhh
18.2.07
hi all. i've decided that after my final update of goods. i really may not want to actively do my jewellery anymore.
i have been doing late delivery because i haven't had the time to rush out postage deadlines. and i feel terrible when my customers get their goods late. and i realise that my stuff can be quite fragile. considering my mum's clip-on earrings seem to keep tangling/dropping off/ whatever else crap. and i get so annoyed. at myself mostly. but also at why ppl are so.. violent. geez. nothing happens when i use them.. i dunno why.
ANYWAY. i just got back at 9+ from a full day of visiting.. very very tiring. and i feel bloated. and very. junked. i decided to come online to check my blog and mail and whatnots. though i kind of realised... that i shouldn't have. then i can escape from the fact that i've to do this beeping announcement on wed. i wrote a script. it was edited. sent to me. commented on. and i realise. the big problem is i've no time to rehearse before wed! ARGH. irritating.. CNY is like the worst holiday ever. always so busy and tiring. why can't ppl just give me a break?? I've already been wondering just HOW we're going to ever do the announcement by this wed. there's no choice. but i still don't see how it's going to work out.GAH. why the short notice huh?!? (ok. please do not be offended. its no personal attack. i'm just venting my frustrations)
it used to be i-bu-shuang-pa-days... but now it's.. shut-up-don't-talk-abt-pa-or-i'll-explode-extended-period-of-times. there's just too many things abt it that i cannot agree with/cannot live with/cannot even defend my own feelings for. It's my fault. it's also the CCA.. but i guess we all just live with out life. and things work out eventually. (or they don't, but they just blow over and it's THE END, so no one cares anymore)
ah well. anyway, in a happier note. i saw a lot of um. cute kids today. mostly my nephews/nieces.. xiangling forgot me again! to think i played with her all afternoon the last time she visited my house.. she was such a little tyke, full of energy... climbing up and down, running around.. have to admit i'm old.. SIGH. and now.. she forgets me. sniff. she's supposed to look a lot like me when i was young.. haha. lalala.
hm.. and then on another more depressing note. due to my large family.. my older cousins.. tend to be nearer to my parents in terms of age and lifestyle. so it's always been as if my bro and i were of a younger generation compared to them. they always treat us as kids. one of them can't even name me today. i felt so... insulted. like i was so puny. HELLO? i even remember ur name. one of them also ignored me totally when she went shaking hands with all the adults. presumably, i'm just a baby. YEA whatever. i don't ask for much. not that we MUST be on equal levels or whatever. but.. at least show me some kind of respect as a young adult. (yes, i'm already one!) Sigh.. i've always been envious of other families with close cousins.. (they have closer age gap...)
Whereas for me... i have nephews and nieces who are older than me.. and one just got married. so in effect, if he had any kids soon. i'll become a grand auntie of some kid.. and my parents are greatgrandauntie/uncle. how interesting. Oh well. i hope that in future, my kids' family will not be half as complicated and distant..
sigh. i sound like a total sad case.
but in any case.. i can't wait for my to grow a little older. and the lil cute kids to grow older. and um. i can then hang out more with them. and be the young cool aunt! heh heh. ^^
p.s.. i'm sorry to those ppl i'm ignoring. cos i DON't want to be reminded of things i do not want to discuss now. also.. i realised that the girl who was upset over late postage did indeed receive her necklace on time.. so she's now very happy.. um. i feel happy too. at least i'm not saddled with guilt now.. (:
-daph (10:08 pm) >>*
cny..
17.2.07
i don't know if it's because as we humans grow older, we just tend to be more saddled with problems, and then we start to ignore everything that is peripheral in our lives, we then focus only on that one thing ahead of us. and never get to enjoy the real life we could have again.
i dunno.. everytime Chinese New Year rolled by, I'd be very excited and happy. haha. getting hongbaos.. and all the eating. i guess this year is just too... stressful? i dunno. i feel as though there are just too many things to deal with, perhaps. that i'd rather just stay home and sleep all day. I want to catch up with work. i want to catch up on my sleep. which i haven't been doing all of the past few months. it's only been a little more than a month, but i feel so.. tired like never before.
i'm not angry. or sad. i'm just.. tired.. in a very numb way. like, i know what's going to come. i know i have to face it. and that seems like the only bleak route i can take in life. it's like a helpless mentality.
Oh yea. and OUCH. i thought i could be happy when CNY came by. but now i feel so jaded. and i'm so sad. But i'll really try my best to become the happy person i used to be. and the carefree person i try very hard to be. Long is right, one should always be happy to not worry the people around u. ^^
Anyway, today's reunion dinner was fine.. but i dunno if it's due to the last two steamboat dinners i had for the past 2 weeks.. but today's steamboat fell short of expectation..
I love steamboat soooooooooo much. u can ask my family. they got dragged by me to eat steamboat for many weeks for some time last year. haha. today's soup was quite bland though. and very little content.. haha. and i tried to recreate the sesame mix that long did the last time. and it turned out too oily. haha. but my mum liked it. hehe.
in other news, my dad wants me to stop doing my shop after cny. but the problem is i've lots of new stuff yet to be made/photographed/uploaded. and i doubt i have the time in any of these days. guess i've to do it secretly and in moderation so that my shop will not be so cold and lonely.. Anyway, thanks all who've supported my shop. u are great!! lots of love to u..
hmm, have a happy trip: yunn and cass.. both have gone overseas and enjoying themselves i hope. (:
also, congrats to jiawei and xiaomei for returning home for cny. and much love to those who are unable to return home for cny..
cny's a pretty tiring affair, isn't it? mine always ends up like this:
1st day- visit my dad's family.. ALL DAY. (too many uncles and aunties) and then come home and get visited by my mum's sis..
2nd day- go to malaysia to visit jiu4 gong1 and yi2 po2.. (all day. counting all the traffic jam possibilities)
3rd day- visit godparents... comehome to receive relatives..
4th day- SCHOOL! AHHHHHH. Where's my sleep?
heh. so u know where to find me i guess. lol.
i want to wish everyone a happy cny.. and a restful one too. ^^ uh. but it feels wrong wishing it in english. but my lousy comp doesn't allow me to type in chinese. sniffs.
i'm glad to have caught up with u zing.. glad to know ur still the happy zing i know ^^ And uh.. rmb we met lester? he was confused when he saw u with me. cos he thought it might not be me since i'm in HC but u were in RJC uniform.. haha. um. happy valentine's and CNY to all!
Oh. they just finished the countdown. so happy CNY!! hehe.
-daph (11:32 pm) >>*
Daphne Tan; Singapore; Chinese; 17+; HCI; Buddhist; Aresian;
29031989; emotional; lazy; hungry; dreamer; loves: sleep; food;
music; dance; lights; webdsign; Korea!; dislikes: hypocrites;
gossips carried too far; stress; preachers;
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