Hello... please be patient while the site loads :D ~daph
28.9.07
and so i was feeling a bit of blogging lethargy, i always know i should read someone else's to motivate me to write my own entry. and so i did.
i read yun's, siew's and elaina's. yea, elaina's. it's been really long since i met her, and it seems like such an ultra long time since i hung out with her, or anyone like her! what do i mean? well, with her, i feel very girl, very gep. some people just make me feel that way. ah, and yes, she's proven me right by writing one of the simplest but most interesting and sometimes-sweet-most-times-kooky-and-fun blog entries. with that said, i found this on her blog:
That is Keynes by the way. Yea, the economist guy. wahaha. So she credits this very amusing photo to a guy named lester. I'm guessing he's a classmate or sth. u know, keynes looks super cool in that. hrm.
And so now i've gottten all my papers back except bio, but i already know i'm in the remedial class, so what can i say? my prelim results are seriously, um to die for. i'd certainly mean it in the way that u'd wish to die if u had my grades. :( yup, sadness. and yes, i'm panicking. finally. yes, i'm angry. disappointed. ________ (insert adjective/s)
So i am kind of going to force myself into a crazy mugging plan. Well, hopefully anyway. :S i dunno how much of that will really work. at times i think it's ok, i'll get there... just like how my seniors did. But other times i think, this is totally different, our batch is totally different, how can we be sure that it follows the trend? how am i going to naively hope that i can suddenly get my As after hovering around America for so long! (U.S... ok lame.). Well, we'll see how things go. Currently, the subject that i feel worst about is chemistry, which i feel both guilty and helpless for. why on earth must it be a mandatory criteria in so many more-prestigious science-related faculties? I'm sad.
Oh yes, hm, edj2 was supposed to go out on sun, but we cancelled it cos jaime and i didn't feel like it anymore. Told jia. and well, we r both the lazy sort and we've just gotten off our asses, trying to mug our guts out for As, cos now we finally panic. Well, we both agreed this morning that we'll mug harder and we BOTH must get our As in the As! Ahh i really hope so. So no outing till after As.. I just hope those two don't have to enter NS that soon..
Well, in the more sticky news, i woke up one day feeling really disgusted and irritated at someone. someone i used to love dearly. i still do actually, it's just i feel i'm starting to lose the ridiculous amount of patience i had for him. (i say that because i was EXTREMELY tolerant towards everything he did and said, even to the point of self-abuse) Sometimes, i will feel anger building up in me when he does something annoying.. maybe something is waking inside me, a more selfish and un-nice me that has been repressed for too long. I remember many people telling me that i'm too nice. Natalie.. people feared her. I didn't, i don't recall that anyway. Well, she was truthfully rather mean to most. But she still warmed up to me and i was always on good terms with her. She said i am too nice, and sometimes she doesn't know what to do with me. She can get angry over the fact that i'm too accomodating to everyone, but she can't get angry at me. lol. i rmb being amused by that comment. ah, oh no, i'm losing the nice, and welcoming the evil. oh no.
Anyway, the point is. I think my feelings towards most people have changed, especially this one. Why can't i leave it to a perfect impression. I don't want to slowly lose the love too. I'll be really upset. ARGH. i wish my life could end here, and then i can start a completely new chapter with new people who won't ever take me for granted. A me who is not lazy, but driven although not selfish. Me who'll love and be loved. me who'll be able to pursue the things i love and be supported by my loved ones, and appreciated by my counterparts and audience. (i say audience because i'm thinking performing arts right now, there's a fac for visual arts and performing arts in the university of melbourne! Lucky gits. i've almost forgotten this passion of mine that seems to far away now, though it's only been a couple of years. all this is thanks to mr tang. i LOVE theatre, among all.) Ah yes, i wanna be passionate in my new self. i've forgotten all my passions, and dreams. i'm only blindly chasing this certificate now.. which i'm not confident of making reflect my wanted grades. without this, apparently i'll be greatly disadvantaged in this society. i know it's true, but it just makes me more depressed about this world/society we live in. when will we stop this rat race? hmm, but perhaps i CAN be a new me after college. I'll meet new people and learn new things, i can be a totally different personality. i'm going to be the girl guys want to be with, and the girl girls want to be. without being a mean %&@#$!. Um, not very likely though. wahaha.
ok, i should stop waffling now. (ooh, waffles! no. i meant rambling) i still've to finish up the statistics i promised renny (my math tutor) i'd do by tonight. and there'll be lots more to do in the holidays... including about 5 bio papers. no make that more than 5. countless. math vector questions, chem practice. not to mention i must conclude and summarise my entire revision for all subjects. ARGH. k night folkz.
-daph (8:31 pm) >>*
Daphne Tan; Singapore; Chinese; 17+; HCI; Buddhist; Aresian;
29031989; emotional; lazy; hungry; dreamer; loves: sleep; food;
music; dance; lights; webdsign; Korea!; dislikes: hypocrites;
gossips carried too far; stress; preachers;
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