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2008-05-13T00:19:00.002+08:00

oh wow. it's May already.

and it's May 13th too.

Happy Birthday daddy, i love you so much. I wish it was a happier birthday, but alas, the looming "50" seems quite depressing. It makes me sad too, that YOU, the very youthful and handsome YOU (at least to me), is getting that much older as I grew up oh-too-quickly. I am thankful for everyday i spend with you, and i hope for more healthy happy days to come. How i wish i could make time stand still for all my loved ones, there just doesn't ever seem to be enough time!

we shall bum around watching movies and hold hands like i was still the tiny little girl that stuck onto you like a lil icky parasite. and much more. LOVE you daddy..

ooh i'm gonna be nineteen soon!

2008-03-28T20:46:00.002+08:00

ooh. tmr's the day. the last day i can say i'm celebrating my ***-teen birthday! that's right... i got a letter from rina the other day. it was so sweet! thanks angel. and i love the card too. though it looped the bday song thrice and i was beginning to fear it wouldn't stop by the time it started on its 3rd round.. lolll. and btw, she was the one that made me realise why we were called teen-agers. i didn't EVER think of the fact that it was because there was a "-teen" in our age. ah. i feel so slow.

In other news, to all the taggers, YES! i'm feeling better! i think.. at least i won't let myself get down cos of these stuff. well that day i was annoyed and i received a letter from CPF telling me they take some of my money to pay for insurance. and then i was like exclaiming loudly that i wanna withdraw cos i dun wan annoying ppl to benefit from my death. LOL. i was like how silly. anyway, not worth the hassle to go and undo the money they've ALREADY taken away for that insurance thingie. --"

anyywayy. yes! tmr's my bday! LALALA. i hope it's relatively happy. well.. at least i hope it's not annoying or too depressing. hehe. i know in the previous post which was bratty and incoherent (ahh too many posts to refer to aha) i announced i dun wanna celebrate my bday. lol. BUT. ANYWAY. i decided i have a little wishlist still.. that i put up by routine but never get anything from it EVER anyway. lol... since it's so late anyway, i doubt anyone will get it, but yes.. i guess i just think i can get lotsa belated gifts. nyeheheh. of course, this is all OPTIONAL and VOLUNTARY.. cos i DID spoiltly decide that i dun wanna celebrate out of spite.

daph's no-more-teen-EVER-therefore-VERY-important wishlist

Brown/ white cute gladiator sandals
Cute slipper wedges :D
Plain Kimono top/dress of any colour
Thick belt (for dresses)
Normal sized belt (perhaps braided)
always wanted a chunky necklace from http://fayfey.livejournal.com (purely a WANT)
Any cute/funky items that i can use for the new school term (hooray funky functional stationary thingum, or BAGS XP )

And if ur scratching ur head, wondering what on earth those stuff are, or wondering where on earth u can get these stuff, or how ur supposed to know that i fit in them. Then ASK ME ON A DATE! wahaha. above all, i'd really like to meet u guys over dinner or sth and then u guys can take me shopping. ahh. and we can take loadsa photos, and we can go so funnn crazzyyy. that'd be nice. heheheh. love u'all. i wonder if anyone will sms tonight to wish me happy bday. heh.. especially curious abt someONE. i dunno why too. oh well. we'll see hur.

the birthdays just seem to get quieter each year. actually the most rah-rah one was in J1.. i enjoyed it, cos i had so many frens, lol so many presents, and i felt REALLY loved. and happy. now i just feel old and bleahh. loll. i need to work! i'm really rotting lol. someone call me back already!

2008-03-18T22:02:00.002+08:00

and i thought things were back to normal... ok they are. i'm happy now. content and just hoping for the best.

i just sometimes hope i get that speck of chance to prove myself. so i got a call for an interview today. was super happy. thought i'd start preparing soon.. ah-ha. but my mum just came in on the pretext of helping me prepare but all she did was throw me into a mockup as if i was supposed to already go through the interview now. i mean yes, u can give it to me, but u should expect that i'm still thinking so i'll actually dribble out all my thought processes, but NO. u roll ur eyes at me, and kept correcting me before i was done.

AND THEN you say "ur supposed to write down these questions and prepare"... i'm like yea, i've taken note. and she's like, "ur answer was like blablablablablablabla..." gah. HELLO?! i want some peace tonight really. i wanted to do my research, i'm gonna do my planning. just not yet. do u get it?? not YET. so stop asking me questions and say that it's PRACTICE when ur obviously NOT thinking of it as practice. And then when i opened word file, and started typing in her questions while repeating them out loud, she thought i was ignoring her. whatthe. ok. i admit this is a bit of rambling now. but yes.

and uh. my dad comes in going "what happened here? u better listen ah.. get serious..." and some random crap when he was right behind me staring at my computer screen which was obviously the word file that read interview questions. nope, i dunno if he didn't notice or just ignored that fact. sheesh. so they both gang up and think i'm a childish horrible git who doesn't want to plan for her future again. yay

i mean i'll seriously appreciate her help if i've prepared then i can go ask her for advice bla bla. but now she KNOWS i've not done anything and still comes in and asks her questions and then give me that stupid sarcastic tone (which btw, i totally HATE. and is the root of most of my displeasure at her) whenever i say sth wrong or dunno what to say and cluck "u must be prepared u know..." once again, they think by saying it, i'll be able to achieve it by the next second. cos right after acknowleding, they will complain that i still haven't done it AGAIN. i really take my hat off them sometimes..

i dunno what to say. i'm a horrible daughter aren't i? but yea, can they pls make sense sometimes? i can't take it. arghh.

oh yes, i'm not really feeling up for celebrating my birthday at all this year. ): i've been emo-ing for so long that i feel tired being excessively happy on any given day. n really, i don't WANT to be too happy at all, it's too short-lived, i'd rather not have it at all, then i won't have to feel the disappointment to the same degree when it's gone. so well congrats to all u guys' pockets i guess. and besides, i feel really old these days. i'd rather not have a reminder that i'm older yet again. sighh. yesterday i wished rina happy bday and then i realised she has hit the big 2! and i'm like cringing so bad cos my turn soon. !$^#%$& A year is just such a short time la. blah.

2008-03-08T22:42:00.003+08:00

alright let me take a deep breath and start.

someone told me that i should delete my blog recently. and i thought.. ok. and then i realised i wasn't suppose to agree, i was supposed to restart my engine!

that's me, i just... dawdle. lag. procrastinate. heck-care. then plop, down i fall. and poof, i fade. now be warned this will be some emo piece of crap and well, by now u should all hate me and so don't read it. it's quite the ranting piece.

yep, the school did so exceedingly well for As this year, i had really thought that maybe.. MAYBE i can also do well too. i really did think i'd get some of my As. I was really quite sure for some subjects.. but i was wrong.

Mdm Tay gave me a smirk. i dunno what it was supposed to mean. it looked slighlty encouraging. and i was thinking. wow. that's a good sign right. but yea, flip the paper and it's like... "oh no, this isn't happening again!"

Yea, i screwed it up, like i screwed my PSLE. just that this time, it seems far worse. And immediately the world seemed a lot darker. well, at least the looks of people around me seemed to turn sinister, like they're all laughing at me, or worse, they can't even be bothered with me anymore. i feel betrayed, and disgusted. but what right do i have anyway?

Well actually, the sun still shone, and the nice breeze still blew... the trees and grass were still lush and green, the world didn't change because i fell. nope, and there i stood, staring at all these while my tears kept streaming uncontrollably. I called my parents immediately and told them. they have the right to know that their daughter once again is a total loser. i think i disappointed them so much, i can understand, since the pain in me was excruciating as well.. i knew i had to get over it and start planning and looking ahead. but my dad... his actions and words since last night has really utterly beaten me so badly. i feel entirely flatten, defeated. i'm a complete waste of a person, and i don't deserve to live.

Maybe that is true.

I know I always lack motivation and drive, I really do want to get back on my feet. But somehow i just can't bring myself to do so cos seeing him reminds me so much of what a failure i am.

Anyway, he kind of made me feel like all around me should feel ashamed to be associated with me. which i'm beginning to think absolutely true. a big thanks to people who've been standing by me, believing in me. i'm sorry i turned out like this now. and to those who look down on me now, i can only say i know it's my own doing and i pay the price, but whoever you are, you've no right to judge. and i will prove myself one day. and soon.

back to the point on ppl feeling ashamed. hm.. i really did think about it..and i think ppl do. from the way they look at me and little things like these. well, those who aren't, i think they should anyway...leave my side, not be tied down by the pscho-wreck me, lead their own lives well and away from me. i just wanna be alone most times now. i really don't see myself having any real friends. no offence. (perhpas i'm having pschomental depression now or whatever) that could be my fault too of course. but yes, i have to say i'm thankful and touched to those who bothered to call or sms, if u meant sincere concern, i believe i could tell and i really am grateful.

I am so emotionally tattered now really, and so very tired, but i can't rest or i'll fall further behind. i was so distracted that i hadn't realised i dropped my wallet in the car, and when i discovered it's loss this morning, i panicked so bad. i spent the whole of previous night crying over my results, had insufficient sleep, and had a heavy heavy stone on my heart, and now another boulder? thankfully i found it in the car, or i might just have broken down. i freaked out over the fact that i couldn't do anything right, that i was losing everything i had, so so tired.. but with that solved, i gotta keep my head up again. So for this time, i need to keep myself strong and push hard till the last breath. only then can i take a short breather and recharge and live on again. I just hope i don't lose it before i get my break. IF i get my break. but i know.. people are watching. i can't stop, i must keep going.. keep going..

i hope it's not too late for me to realise that there are a million and one people waiting to stab u from behind if u so much as fell behind by a hair's width. and that one really has to push so much harder to keep up and be ahead. have i really been so wrong about my philosophy in life?

i guess i always feared death and i just never thought anything was important enough to slug myself out for... (think along the lines of futility of achieving everything but having to die anyway) i thought perhaps it was enough just to be average (even though i'm endowed to be destined for more) and i'd so much rather take things more easily. but it hurts, when everyone around u rushes too far ahead, the feeling of being left behind... it sucks. and perhaps i should integrate a new thought into my philosophy, that is what i fear will still inevitably arrive, and i should do more out of it! augh, this has got to take some time... to change my mindset. i'm rusty shit.

2007-09-28T20:31:00.000+08:00

and so i was feeling a bit of blogging lethargy, i always know i should read someone else's to motivate me to write my own entry. and so i did.

i read yun's, siew's and elaina's. yea, elaina's. it's been really long since i met her, and it seems like such an ultra long time since i hung out with her, or anyone like her! what do i mean? well, with her, i feel very girl, very gep. some people just make me feel that way. ah, and yes, she's proven me right by writing one of the simplest but most interesting and sometimes-sweet-most-times-kooky-and-fun blog entries. with that said, i found this on her blog:

That is Keynes by the way. Yea, the economist guy. wahaha. So she credits this very amusing photo to a guy named lester. I'm guessing he's a classmate or sth. u know, keynes looks super cool in that. hrm.

And so now i've gottten all my papers back except bio, but i already know i'm in the remedial class, so what can i say? my prelim results are seriously, um to die for. i'd certainly mean it in the way that u'd wish to die if u had my grades. :( yup, sadness. and yes, i'm panicking. finally. yes, i'm angry. disappointed. ________ (insert adjective/s)

So i am kind of going to force myself into a crazy mugging plan. Well, hopefully anyway. :S i dunno how much of that will really work. at times i think it's ok, i'll get there... just like how my seniors did. But other times i think, this is totally different, our batch is totally different, how can we be sure that it follows the trend? how am i going to naively hope that i can suddenly get my As after hovering around America for so long! (U.S... ok lame.). Well, we'll see how things go. Currently, the subject that i feel worst about is chemistry, which i feel both guilty and helpless for. why on earth must it be a mandatory criteria in so many more-prestigious science-related faculties? I'm sad.

Oh yes, hm, edj2 was supposed to go out on sun, but we cancelled it cos jaime and i didn't feel like it anymore. Told jia. and well, we r both the lazy sort and we've just gotten off our asses, trying to mug our guts out for As, cos now we finally panic. Well, we both agreed this morning that we'll mug harder and we BOTH must get our As in the As! Ahh i really hope so. So no outing till after As.. I just hope those two don't have to enter NS that soon..

Well, in the more sticky news, i woke up one day feeling really disgusted and irritated at someone. someone i used to love dearly. i still do actually, it's just i feel i'm starting to lose the ridiculous amount of patience i had for him. (i say that because i was EXTREMELY tolerant towards everything he did and said, even to the point of self-abuse) Sometimes, i will feel anger building up in me when he does something annoying.. maybe something is waking inside me, a more selfish and un-nice me that has been repressed for too long. I remember many people telling me that i'm too nice. Natalie.. people feared her. I didn't, i don't recall that anyway. Well, she was truthfully rather mean to most. But she still warmed up to me and i was always on good terms with her. She said i am too nice, and sometimes she doesn't know what to do with me. She can get angry over the fact that i'm too accomodating to everyone, but she can't get angry at me. lol. i rmb being amused by that comment. ah, oh no, i'm losing the nice, and welcoming the evil. oh no.

Anyway, the point is. I think my feelings towards most people have changed, especially this one. Why can't i leave it to a perfect impression. I don't want to slowly lose the love too. I'll be really upset. ARGH. i wish my life could end here, and then i can start a completely new chapter with new people who won't ever take me for granted. A me who is not lazy, but driven although not selfish. Me who'll love and be loved. me who'll be able to pursue the things i love and be supported by my loved ones, and appreciated by my counterparts and audience. (i say audience because i'm thinking performing arts right now, there's a fac for visual arts and performing arts in the university of melbourne! Lucky gits. i've almost forgotten this passion of mine that seems to far away now, though it's only been a couple of years. all this is thanks to mr tang. i LOVE theatre, among all.) Ah yes, i wanna be passionate in my new self. i've forgotten all my passions, and dreams. i'm only blindly chasing this certificate now.. which i'm not confident of making reflect my wanted grades. without this, apparently i'll be greatly disadvantaged in this society. i know it's true, but it just makes me more depressed about this world/society we live in. when will we stop this rat race? hmm, but perhaps i CAN be a new me after college. I'll meet new people and learn new things, i can be a totally different personality. i'm going to be the girl guys want to be with, and the girl girls want to be. without being a mean %&@#$!. Um, not very likely though. wahaha.

ok, i should stop waffling now. (ooh, waffles! no. i meant rambling) i still've to finish up the statistics i promised renny (my math tutor) i'd do by tonight. and there'll be lots more to do in the holidays... including about 5 bio papers. no make that more than 5. countless. math vector questions, chem practice. not to mention i must conclude and summarise my entire revision for all subjects. ARGH. k night folkz.

2007-09-20T21:21:00.000+08:00

hey daph. be brave.

face it all with an open mind, a happy heart.

live with whatever comes, that's the only thing u can and should do.

the day of reckoning, along with all the answers will all arrive in no time, especially when u least expect it. maybe i'll dream and wake up knowing exactly what to say and do. something i'll never regret no matter what comes along.

oh well, we'll see about that..

besides that, i feel happy today. it's quite a ball.. been having 2 relatively pretty days. the days that are simple yet makes one feel warm fuzzy inside. amidst all this confusion, i still manage to allow myself pretty days, isn't that wonderful? we make days pretty, there are no perfect days but we just allow ourselves to savour the good bits, and that seems to shadow the bad.

Blog has been revived for such wrong reasons, i shouldn't be angsting here about things that shouldn't be. i have not mentioned a single paper for the whole of prelims. bah. well, today's chem MCQ is a great accomplishment cos i finished the paper. (ok, i left one blank but still!) well, usually i leave more than 5 blanks only cos i can't finish and dwell too long on stuff. hey! i rushed myself. couldn't care less what the answer was, if i'm spending too much time, just pick whatever calls out to u. who cares?

well, just a little note back to the cause of angst. i think i caused it. well, in most parts i did. a simple thing that got out of hand. make that REALLY disastrous. ): there are now so many factors and thoughts clouding my mind. maybe it isn't appropriate to say angst. it's more like.. guilt, sadness, anger, happiness and sorry all mushed into one. i'm seriously a sorry ass. bleah.

ahh, but i'll settle it soon. i will.

2007-09-19T20:58:00.000+08:00

i really don't know what to make of myself.

so conflicted, so stupid. grr.

i hate this blog. so angsty. must change blog soon. oops, random thought.

well, it turns out the decision now lies in my hands. from experience, these hands will ruin everything. i'm so afraid of making the wrong step. some people say do not think too much, even if it turns out to have been a wrong move after all, u know u won't regret it. really?

i don't want to have to look back and thank my very lucky stars and the very unlucky people for being so tolerant and patient with me again.

i think no matter what i choose.. i'll not be 100% happy. oh wait. why am i asking for such a perfect situation when no such thing exists.

is it really fair to go ahead with sth u urself are not confident in, and perhaps may not put ur all into? what if ur so unsure, should u still consider? i've always thought that something that lasts would have to have a good beginning. gee i don't know if this is one. if i condemn it as such now, how can i even think for a second about even saying yes cos i'd never have put in enough to make it work. that's the freak i am.

i really wanna resolve this quickly, i can't afford to think so much anymore. i can't afford to let others think so much too. i fear... fear the consequences of my decision. fear the uncertainties. fear retribution. fear the acceptance of both the good and bad. can't wait for the day when i've stopped fearing, then i'll know what i want. i fear, therefore i'm defensive.

a sorry in advance to everyone affected for my future decision. cos whatever it is, i still need to apologise for one thing or another.

i ruined my life again.

2007-09-16T11:47:00.000+08:00

I really did so want to start anew, give myself a chance. But maybe this is not meant to be, maybe I'm meant to wait…

Hmm, I feel crappy.. didn't know I'd be so affected by what he says and do. Well, at least I found out in the last few days. I almost cried thinking he didn't want to speak to me, and that was when I thought I would seriously make my move and decide.
Feeling unsure, especially as I've observed the new situation. He should have at least 3 others waiting too.. oh well. So I thought I better make absolute sure of this before I leap in. instead of making things better though, it just got worse. Apparently I asked too much, but have I ever really gotten an answer? I dunno.. And now I think it'll be a million percent awkward and unhappy. ): I've really already decided on a yes, but now it's not my choice anymore, and I guess I'll just back away.

Was so upset/angry (more of which, I do not know, couldn't tell!) that my tears just kinda auto-trigger. Oh well, at least now my uphill plans of having to cut off ties with another someone won't have to be worked at anymore. Speaking of which, I confided in the someone, and he says I'm expecting too much.. he says guys need things spelt out for them sometimes… I really dunno.

I'll have to wait another day before I know what has become of us... I guess.. I hope I won't be too affected.

wasted

2007-09-04T21:08:00.000+08:00

today is the day i got wasted. not drunk. but. i totally lost focus.

i haven't touched the books today. T.T i will, i swear. i'm going to stay up to study.

in other news, my 2nd earhole on the left. is. disgusting. no, make that uberifically-gross-dammit. yup, it's been hurting, i think it's cos when i sleep on my side, the stud kinda hurts the skin around it and it keeps bruising and pus-ing/bleeding. so i'll kinda regularly scratch the dead matter off. but i think this time i've overdone it or sth, cos it really really hurt.

and so i went off to shower, bringing in my last earstick (yes, i lost the rest, pathetic me. earsticks for me, anyone? :D coloured ones! ok, not fussy.), thinking it'd be better than a stud. to perhaps, relieve the pain a little. ok, when i took off the backing just now, i accidentally ripped off the dead 'skin' too when it was still rather attached to my ear skin. and yup, u guessed it, it started bleeding really badly.

whipped out my septanol and some tissue, drowned my tissue in septanol and started treating the wound behind. good thing abt second earholes? they are higher, and so easier to look at the back of the ear when u try flipping it. (as opposed to normal first earholes) i regretted it. but i couldn't have avoided it. there was a little hill of red, i thought it was uncleared deadskin and dried blood, i tried as gently as i possibly could to scrape it off with septanol-treated tissue. ARGHHHH. nothing came off, it was worse. and then i knew it. it was just pure infected, swollen BLOODY flesh. whee~

yupyup, so i wiped the wound again, and started dripping lots and lots of septanol all over my ear. i'm gonna be doing that for the days to come, hope it works T.T i've bad luck with piercings. though it's just my ears' fault. oh, i stuffed the earstick in despite the pain. sc's right, if it hurts, it's the correct direction, just force it through. it was really painful though, but i had to do it. i don't want another $5 down the drain. ):

2007-08-31T19:20:00.000+08:00

thanks. i've a lot to thank for really. thanks to all the people who've added joy to my life. u r really gems. thanks to those who've hurt me and made me stronger. toast to the people who made me learn anger management. hoho.

i'm sorry for any hurt i've caused, for any unintentional pain.

i wish u all peace and love. rmb i didn't leave anyone out in this wish.

be good stay strong. :D

2007-08-25T15:08:00.000+08:00

oh my goodness. something big must've happened. since daph is blogging.

yea. crazy. haha.

read someone's blog today and got really inspired to write something.

long, i'm so glad that day when i read ur 'goodbye' to BB. I'm so glad u've finally let go. finally living like u should. Even though i must say i was indeed shocked at what u told me abt what u call ur ugly past, the long i know is a good guy. u can't change the past, but make sure u make the future a good one. I was so happy for u that i even smsed u, my dear fren that i haven't been speaking to for some time. i do miss u... i promise to look for u when i'm free. i will! and i feel so ashamed to say that after all that advice and listening, i still make the same mistakes myself. (which is why i knew exactly how u felt back then) but i'll keep my promise and hope i'll be happy too.
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i realise that i've many frens who are a lot like me. in terms of the way we think and how we seem on the outside, and what we really are inside. it's good and bad really. we understand each other well, but we're bad influences of each other too. cos we'll continue moping, thinking it's just normal when it's not. not really anyway.

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To a really good fren, or one whom i think is, hope still is.
i'm really sorry for having been so stupid. i couldn't help it. trust me. i dunno if u can ever imagine leaving someone so close to u. i really couldn't let go. but i guess i hurt many ppl along the way, especially myself. forgive my stupidity. though this is probably of no consequence to u anymore. somehow reminded of deborah how saying "when one door closes, another opens, but the giraffe is too busy staring at the door it wanted to enter, it didn't realise another has opened." Yea, and honestly, i personally think it's far too late as well. i don't want to live like the selfish brat i am.. i'm not even confident of myself, what if i run away in fear or something else? i hate to make another mistake and cause someone else misery.

i hope u didn't think that i was tricking u, or wasting ur time. i'm not having fun. i just wanted to know how u feel, and i got scared again when u made up ur mind. so typical of me. shoot. i'm so confusing myself and others around me. i hate it! i know this'll never come by again, i want to say yes. But what if i'm just a bloody bitch again, i must say no. but i don't want things to become weird. ok shit.

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to AER.. (who won't be reading)
i've thought about it. 3rd and (best? i dunno, maybe. but definitely most important so far) too, like what u said of me. choosing to rmb what i hope will be the best of my memories. i've been through so much pain. and u know too. i couldn't let go. i'm going to find me again. and leave everything to fate. i'll not reveal my plan ahead of me, i dun think u need to know. seriously will try to forget and when i stop the pain, i'll be happy again. you be happy too. best frens right? (: but to quote "15", there's no such thing as eternal friend or foe. You just enjoy while it lasts. and at some point, our paths could deviate or cross. i don't know.

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to someone whom i really wanna say this to. but u'll never EVER guess.
i miss u. only today did i realise it was never a little girl's crush. ur now someone enshrined in my heart. i know we'll never be. unless some really random twist of fate occurs. but i smile when i see u, when we talk. it seems to bring me back then.. then when all was of no worry. guess u'll never guess what an impact u have on me. i never did either, now i know. but i don't desire anything else. ur just a childhood dream. something good, but something u know not to claim. and not to take too seriously, as it isn't real.

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to ppl whom i've hurt. when i was young and naive. and stupid. (oh wait a minute, i still am)

i know i was REALLY a terrible, horrible disgusting git. i just wanted attention, i got it and threw it away. i hate me too. and some of you out there, who probably won't be reading this ANYWAY. probably remember and hate me for life. i realise how much of a bitch i was. how stupid. so guess what, guys? be happy cos i'm suffering from retribution. i am. now i hope all of you are happy with ur lives, cos i believe everyone deserves someone good for themselves, it definitely wasn't me, cos i hope u'll all get someone better for urself. i'm really sorry. and rest assured i'm not victimising anyone else anymore. i'll end it early and nicely if i find it won't work, never giving them too much hope. and i don't mind ending up as an old spinster next time for it.
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haha. exciting, ain't it? i'm so screwed up. "a sorry piece of crap, i am"

hahaha.

2007-04-11T22:05:00.000+08:00

Sunday, i was extremely frustrated. i was in hysterics. and i MEAN hysterics.. I was crying but laughing uncontrollably. No, not tears of laughter. Always wondered how that felt like, and now i know. It is rather scary really, as if I've gone consciously insane but unable to help myself. I can't believe i told so many people this time. I used to keep totally quiet about my inner feelings, but i guess this time i feel this would be the best way for me. I want some people to know, so that if one day i really leave suddenly/lose my mind.. someone is able to tell my story since i will no longer be able to explain..

Thought so much lately, Zing told me not to. Yea, i can see that ppl who think less are generally a happier lot. But sometimes, it's not that i can help it. It's just in me to think. And perhaps too much? But that's me.

Started thinking that my life is a joke. I'm going all the wrong routes and chasing the wrong things. I KNOW i do not want what's ahead of me, yet i just walk right along. Choice, we always have a choice. And somehow i choose not to listen to myself, but all the other voices around.

Well, my body's been falling apart too. What with all the short-of-breath encounters lately, the ear imbalance (yea, it gets blocked for no reason sometimes), the tailbone problem, the momentary blackouts i've been experiencing, and that weird heart-racing thing. Oh gosh. The more i worry, the more things come along. I'm so tired and sad..

Today, i ran the trial 2.4 (which was in fact only 1.6) with Faith. Urged myself to continue running, and beat myself. Have been doing work with Fred lately, he kept saying to "convert one's sorrows into strength" (yea, in chinese) and i guess it kind of rubbed off me a little, so i pushed myself more than usual. Honestly, i did slow down a little at the end so that i wouldn't end up dead after my run (like all my runs end). Yea, well.. my head was really tight after the run, it was seriously and literally WRENCHING. yar, like how someone squeezes a towel dry? That's how it felt. It was really painful. And my throat hurt cos i think i breathed in too hard and incorrectly during the run. Hmm, the world spun, and i thought "oh gee! let's faint!" Ah, but i did not, as Faith and Cherlyn supported me while i made my way back. Probably would have allowed myself to slip away if there wasn't anyone around.

reminds me of council camp once when we did that crazy physical session. How i was soaked in cold sweat and had to stop. how Tiff came into the 'sickbay' in an almost semi-conscious state, how everyone encouraged her, and forced her to keep her eyes open. We were all so afraid.. And i had to be wrapped up too, cos i was so very cold. crazy times, yea..

well. can't believe that while most 18-year-olds are having a carefree/mundane/happy/purposeful/satisfied/motivated time, here i am without any of those.. I wonder how long more i can keep this from my parents.

thank you angel!

2007-03-27T22:17:00.000+08:00

hi Rina, if ur reading this.. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

I've just received your card in the post, ur handwriting is still as lovely as ever. *just look at the envelope itself!* Thanks so much for remembering my birthday, and now i feel guilty. I remembered your birthday but didn't get round to wishing you happy birthday (possibly due to mugging argh) It's a little late now to say this, but happy belated birthday my dear dear angel. You're the sweetest person i know, and one true angel. Thanks!! (will not talk about how our angels/mortals this year cannot compare to last year's.. lol. then again, i'm also not as good an angel/mortal as before..)

Oh, and happy birthday qingliang too. though i doubt he'd be reading this. I know my 2006 angel/mortal family (incl me) are all March babies. heh.

Um, anyway, that's my 2nd bday gift! very early indeed. :D and makes my day a little more cheery. ^^ but i've not opened the card (i'm assuming it's one since it does SO look like one) cos i'm saving it all on the day itself. -grin- yayy! thanks all~ <33

Hm, and we'll be having GM on my bday! T_T but it should be a short one, so.. :D

Anywayy, i'm in such a happy benevolent mood now that i've just baked cookies for any well-wishers i may have. heh. but they kinda.. um. failed. cos it's my first time. i rolled them too thick. so the insides are all soft (not baked thoroughy) but the outside's obviously burnt when u taste it. -sniff- I've a second batch of better ones (more like real cookies) but they're limited.. so.. :S Heh.. but they should all be edible la. hehe.. And also i'm having sales (15% off storewide) at my shop: http://d-sparkle.livejournal.com so just go take a look if u can. Also help me promote this yar? Thanks~ [yay.. share the joy~~]

though the joy seems to be fading as the day went by.. but hopefully i can replenish my energy and endorphins with good sleep. HEHE. oh and we're swimming again tmr!

2007-03-23T21:50:00.000+08:00

almost like a ritual now isn't it? every year, i abandon my blog for a long long time and then around this date.. this special date, i shamelessly do up a wishlist.

Honestly, i thought i wouldn't have one this year. but too bad, i guess a leopard never changes its spots. OOPS.

1. A black/white mini bubble skirt!
2. A skinny-strapped plain white tank
3. KOREAN REVITALIZING COOL CUCUMBER EYE PADS (apparently can be found at chain outlets of beaute spring)
4. Point-toed pumps
5. Dolly/Lacey (k not too much lace!) Spags.
6. A rare and big gold locket necklace! (almost bought it for myself but felt poor again today sniff)
7. Authentic Snoopy Jewellery (prob hard to find?)
8. Off shoulder top
9. Jeans! not too low-cut. (my current one is! T_T )
10. a sponsored charms and diy shopping trip!

Wow. 10 already. i kind of squeezed the last few out, maybe cos my contentness level is quite low now, so it's easy to reach. Much love if ur really gonna get me these stuffs, though it's not necessary. and just a wish may be good enough too.

Oh, and anyone interested in getting bikinis? This spree is temporarily closed, because organiser is hoping to find new supplier for a BETTER PRICE! *think $14 for a set! there are like 69 designs to choose from. IMAGINE!

http://community.livejournal.com/_spreee/1020512.html (um, it should reopen soon! ^^)

oh and if u were thinking if i'm getting one myself. i dunno! haha. i nv owned one before. but they look quite tempting, though i really wonder if i'll ever wear it. hoho. i don't go to the beach, and they're utterly functionless as swimwear in the pool if u ask me. haha.

in other news, I realised that i haven't been making jewellery for myself even though i have been making quite a bit for my shop. Somehow i'm rather numb to jewellery now, even those i see outside, unless they're special and i know i cannot make it. And even then, i don't even wear the stuff i make! perhaps, it's the lure of money that seems to be greater than my vanity. Though i did make something today that i thought was so sweet, that i may keep it for myself. butttt, i think that'd go against my feeling of being poor today. so there. haha.

Ah yes, a few days ago, i saw the gold heart locket at my supplier's and fell in love with it. that was the first necklace i wanted to buy for myself in a long long while. but... my rationality somehow told me NO today.. sigh.

ADVERT!

2007-03-12T15:30:00.000+08:00

yay. buy a laptop skin today. Click on above link!

Doesn't work? use the text link below:

Now You Can Protect Your Laptop From Scratches Forever! (with absolutely NO lack in style! ;)

berserk

2007-02-22T20:57:00.000+08:00

so while all other bridges seem to start building at their sweet steady pace, this one seems just about to collapse entirely. why is it that whenever i want to make things right, it just goes entirely the other way?

i tried smiling through it all. i've been doing so well till now too. but it seems i'm once again back at that spot. gotta work hard to maintain that smile again.

i feel so different from the Daphne i knew long ago. but that was so long ago that i don't quite remember anymore. Come to think of it, i'm the Daphne i was back then, just less randomly cheerful. i think i remember being this emotional too.

arrrhhhh

2007-02-18T22:08:00.000+08:00

hi all. i've decided that after my final update of goods. i really may not want to actively do my jewellery anymore.

i have been doing late delivery because i haven't had the time to rush out postage deadlines. and i feel terrible when my customers get their goods late. and i realise that my stuff can be quite fragile. considering my mum's clip-on earrings seem to keep tangling/dropping off/ whatever else crap. and i get so annoyed. at myself mostly. but also at why ppl are so.. violent. geez. nothing happens when i use them.. i dunno why.

ANYWAY. i just got back at 9+ from a full day of visiting.. very very tiring. and i feel bloated. and very. junked. i decided to come online to check my blog and mail and whatnots. though i kind of realised... that i shouldn't have. then i can escape from the fact that i've to do this beeping announcement on wed. i wrote a script. it was edited. sent to me. commented on. and i realise. the big problem is i've no time to rehearse before wed! ARGH. irritating.. CNY is like the worst holiday ever. always so busy and tiring. why can't ppl just give me a break?? I've already been wondering just HOW we're going to ever do the announcement by this wed. there's no choice. but i still don't see how it's going to work out.GAH. why the short notice huh?!? (ok. please do not be offended. its no personal attack. i'm just venting my frustrations)

it used to be i-bu-shuang-pa-days... but now it's.. shut-up-don't-talk-abt-pa-or-i'll-explode-extended-period-of-times. there's just too many things abt it that i cannot agree with/cannot live with/cannot even defend my own feelings for. It's my fault. it's also the CCA.. but i guess we all just live with out life. and things work out eventually. (or they don't, but they just blow over and it's THE END, so no one cares anymore)

ah well. anyway, in a happier note. i saw a lot of um. cute kids today. mostly my nephews/nieces.. xiangling forgot me again! to think i played with her all afternoon the last time she visited my house.. she was such a little tyke, full of energy... climbing up and down, running around.. have to admit i'm old.. SIGH. and now.. she forgets me. sniff. she's supposed to look a lot like me when i was young.. haha. lalala.

hm.. and then on another more depressing note. due to my large family.. my older cousins.. tend to be nearer to my parents in terms of age and lifestyle. so it's always been as if my bro and i were of a younger generation compared to them. they always treat us as kids. one of them can't even name me today. i felt so... insulted. like i was so puny. HELLO? i even remember ur name. one of them also ignored me totally when she went shaking hands with all the adults. presumably, i'm just a baby. YEA whatever. i don't ask for much. not that we MUST be on equal levels or whatever. but.. at least show me some kind of respect as a young adult. (yes, i'm already one!) Sigh.. i've always been envious of other families with close cousins.. (they have closer age gap...)

Whereas for me... i have nephews and nieces who are older than me.. and one just got married. so in effect, if he had any kids soon. i'll become a grand auntie of some kid.. and my parents are greatgrandauntie/uncle. how interesting. Oh well. i hope that in future, my kids' family will not be half as complicated and distant..

sigh. i sound like a total sad case.

but in any case.. i can't wait for my to grow a little older. and the lil cute kids to grow older. and um. i can then hang out more with them. and be the young cool aunt! heh heh. ^^

p.s.. i'm sorry to those ppl i'm ignoring. cos i DON't want to be reminded of things i do not want to discuss now. also.. i realised that the girl who was upset over late postage did indeed receive her necklace on time.. so she's now very happy.. um. i feel happy too. at least i'm not saddled with guilt now.. (:

cny..

2007-02-17T23:32:00.000+08:00

i don't know if it's because as we humans grow older, we just tend to be more saddled with problems, and then we start to ignore everything that is peripheral in our lives, we then focus only on that one thing ahead of us. and never get to enjoy the real life we could have again.

i dunno.. everytime Chinese New Year rolled by, I'd be very excited and happy. haha. getting hongbaos.. and all the eating. i guess this year is just too... stressful? i dunno. i feel as though there are just too many things to deal with, perhaps. that i'd rather just stay home and sleep all day. I want to catch up with work. i want to catch up on my sleep. which i haven't been doing all of the past few months. it's only been a little more than a month, but i feel so.. tired like never before.

i'm not angry. or sad. i'm just.. tired.. in a very numb way. like, i know what's going to come. i know i have to face it. and that seems like the only bleak route i can take in life. it's like a helpless mentality.

Oh yea. and OUCH. i thought i could be happy when CNY came by. but now i feel so jaded. and i'm so sad. But i'll really try my best to become the happy person i used to be. and the carefree person i try very hard to be. Long is right, one should always be happy to not worry the people around u. ^^

Anyway, today's reunion dinner was fine.. but i dunno if it's due to the last two steamboat dinners i had for the past 2 weeks.. but today's steamboat fell short of expectation..

I love steamboat soooooooooo much. u can ask my family. they got dragged by me to eat steamboat for many weeks for some time last year. haha. today's soup was quite bland though. and very little content.. haha. and i tried to recreate the sesame mix that long did the last time. and it turned out too oily. haha. but my mum liked it. hehe.

in other news, my dad wants me to stop doing my shop after cny. but the problem is i've lots of new stuff yet to be made/photographed/uploaded. and i doubt i have the time in any of these days. guess i've to do it secretly and in moderation so that my shop will not be so cold and lonely.. Anyway, thanks all who've supported my shop. u are great!! lots of love to u..

hmm, have a happy trip: yunn and cass.. both have gone overseas and enjoying themselves i hope. (:

also, congrats to jiawei and xiaomei for returning home for cny. and much love to those who are unable to return home for cny..

cny's a pretty tiring affair, isn't it? mine always ends up like this:

1st day- visit my dad's family.. ALL DAY. (too many uncles and aunties) and then come home and get visited by my mum's sis..

2nd day- go to malaysia to visit jiu4 gong1 and yi2 po2.. (all day. counting all the traffic jam possibilities)

3rd day- visit godparents... comehome to receive relatives..

4th day- SCHOOL! AHHHHHH. Where's my sleep?

heh. so u know where to find me i guess. lol.

i want to wish everyone a happy cny.. and a restful one too. ^^ uh. but it feels wrong wishing it in english. but my lousy comp doesn't allow me to type in chinese. sniffs.

i'm glad to have caught up with u zing.. glad to know ur still the happy zing i know ^^ And uh.. rmb we met lester? he was confused when he saw u with me. cos he thought it might not be me since i'm in HC but u were in RJC uniform.. haha. um. happy valentine's and CNY to all!

Oh. they just finished the countdown. so happy CNY!! hehe.

2007-01-01T12:12:00.000+08:00

haha. guilty person is now saying sorry for the very long absence. i've been busy busy with my jewellery shop. VIST VIST VIST I know many of you have and thanks a lot for that too. And thanks to everyone who's been helping me advertise as well. A great new year to you all!! and hearts to all of u for helping.

School's about to start!! yikess. i'm definitely NOT done with my GP, and probably will never be. urghs. I'm getting there for the sciences and math. well. about half done for all. LOL. and not done for econs. but i guess i'm crawling along. i think bio test is on thurs ppl. so study.. i should tell myself to start soon anyway. BLEAHH. okie. enjoy what's left of the hols! And um. shan and i will be setting up the clothings shop once we've settled into school. heh. whoops. lol

shop update n quizz

2006-12-03T21:58:00.000+08:00

woohoo~ so shan is also interested in opening a shop! yayy then we'll have even more stuff to sell, imagine! then we'll have more stock and more variety. and that equates to large customer pool. heh heh. wow i'm dreaming. i'm like also selling my mum's old clothes.. so that'd add to the variety too.. hur hur. can't wait.

anyway, i visited shan's blog just now. found this quiz thingg, was gonna do it. and then i saw that for the last question about passing to 8 frens she mentioned me. so MORE REASON to do it!! whoo~

#1. Are you a chinese or english freako?
english.. well, i've been an english freak my whole life till abt 2 years ago, when MORE chinese was injected into my life. but really, i've never been bad at chinese either. it's just i dun use it normally.

#2. If time is going to stop; what would you possibly do for that time?
grab a few friends and go shopping, catch up with old frens, spend time with fred. hehe.

#3. Prefer a playpool or playground?
playpool!! sounds so awfully fun. reminder to self: i wanna go wet and wild.

#4. Do you usually gossip others; or being gossiped?
i suppose it's only human to gossip abt others. i admit to enjoying it at times but i'm a firm believer of do unto others what you want others to do unto you. so i curb myself.. and i wouldn't know if i'm being gossiped about. ouch.

#5. Do you like simple or complicated stuff?
simple (: but life isn't such. there can be beauty in confusion too i guess.

#6. Do you tackle numbers better; or alphabets?
omg.i know numbers=math, so it's NOT fine.. but then again simple NUMBERS is not trigo or calculus right? ok crap. it is. so... alphabets!

#7. What makes you pissed off?
insensitivity and hypocrisy. and i hate to admit, but when ppl are too slow and i'm in a bad mood, i'm also pissed off.

#8. How's your childhood?
not too bad.. growing up here is tough. but i must say i've had it off quite well. ESPECIALLY when in comparison with today's singaporean kid. i can't think! (n i dunno if i wanna have kids n put them through this..)

#9. Do you have inspiration without perspiration?
yes. i think so. which is why when i think of something. i'll quickly finish it up if i can.. i dun wanna lose the motivation. (which drains away VERY quickly for me)

#10. Do you think 24hours is too long, short or just okay?
it's alright. i wish we didn't have to sleep so much. and i sleep even more than a normal human should. so that's bad. there're times i want more, times when i want less.

#11. Would you judge people by their appearance?
i think i do. then again, first impressions ALWAYS count. guess it takes time to know a person.

#12. What is attractive in your eyes?
someone who is strong for the ppl around them, but also sensitive and allows himself/herself to be weak.. a person who is true is attractive. of course, it doesn't hurt if they look good.

#13. Do you like day or night, explain why?
night..it's just more sexy and romantic. i'm also more awake then.

#14. Do you treasure stuffs that you own, or have insatiable desires?
BOTH.

#15. If your computer hanged up; with a long long document not being saved; how would you react?
very violently. but first i'll hope and pray it's retrievable.. oh then i'll react really violently when it's not. i'll screamm and kicckkk then i'll off my computer and cool down before i do anything.

#16. Do you believe in miracles? Or was it longed predestined?
i believe we can take charge of our lives and our fates. i'm sure there are miracles, but they only happen to the really deserving. when that happens, i get so touched.. it's such a wonder.

#17. Do you often tend to forget the past; or trying hard to do so?
i dun forget much of the past. in fact, it's all really vivid. but i can't rmb stuff like whether i put my wallet in my bag a second ago. ok but that's beside the point. nope, i've reached a point whereby painful things have become memories. and all memories are beautiful and extremely good food for thought.

#18. In your mind, why colours are out there?
that's a really good question. and i often wonder how the colour-blind grasp the idea of colours.. (the specific ones they mix up) i suppose i believe they're there to break the monotone and to lift our moods.

#19. Have you ever pitied those who are real pitiful; and shed tears for them; etc?
yes. i'm too emotional.

#20. Describe yourself as in attitude?
i strive to be sincere and to achieve a "what u see is what u get" state. I am friendly. or like to be. I want to be a warm person to everyone. I try to be enthu. but this has waned so much in me over these years.. so sometimes i look like i'm apathetic.

#21. Do you suddenly lose the grasp of hope to survive as yet?
oh. that was way back. i no longer entertain thoughts of this. life is precious.

#22. Give 3 advantages when you get to live?
1) be the strength and hope of others
2) i can learn to help myself
3) feeling of existence

#23. What is your ambition in life?
for things to go my way in the big general plan. i know things can't go exactly like u want. so so long as the big picture is fulfilled. i'll be happy. i hope to also touch others' lives. then i'd have had a meaningful existence. i want to be happy.

#24. Do you believe in horoscope etc?
at times.

#25. Describe music in your life.
it's something magical. it accompanies us, soothes us, tackle with our emotions.

.#26. Which country would you like to go; when you can afford it?
korea. perhaps europe.

#27. What do you think blogging is about?
an outlet for expression. a portal for making friends worldwide.

#28. What kind of style are you trying to get hold of?
feminine, sexy. (i've been trying to get a classy lacy spag.. gah.) right now, my style's still very young. wanna be elegant too..

#29. When you fail a test, how will you react?
mood swing. then i'll indulge. feel better. and it disappears.

#30. Pass this to 8 friends; for them to get it done.
uh. xiaomei, ermei.. ppl who haven't done this. whoever. (:

madness

2006-12-02T19:15:00.000+08:00

ahh!!! this is so nice!!!! i want the pale yellow one. the ribbon is so niceeee. ok i'm mad. i'be veen doing e-window-shopping all day. and guess what? i might be starting a shop of my own soon. sell some 2nd-hand trinkets and clothes. and perhaps i'll also sell my own creations! How exciting. :D

Hooray i got off my butt and did something

2006-12-01T18:15:00.000+08:00

ok what a long title. but haha. i've been doing loads of updating these two days, cos i finally got my butt of to do coding for my layout which i've done for some time. I remember how a few years back i did loads of layouts but got so sick of coding that by the time i finish coding my site, i get sick of the layout and have to change it. and so the cycle goes on...

hoho. it's a lot harder now with everything all over the place (compared to when ur hosted and have a space to urself for everything u wanna upload), what with the image hosting at free sites.. the image quality is compromised, and has a long crazy url. haha. but hey! i've done it!!! and i dug through my previous codes and layouts to get this finished product.

Also, i visited Nadine just now. And my fingers and mind got so itchy that i started a whole new blog to my account which is actually just my very own cam portal. uh one that is dedicated solely for myself that is. haha. to satisfy the egotist in me. :P so i'll be uploading cam pix of myself again like i used to.. then all the archives will be stored in this site. It's called Eye Candy. (haha. what did i tell u about E-G-O?) You can also click on my cam pic to get transported there. haha. but now that i'm stuck home, there're not many interesting pix to put up i guess.

Ok, so now i'm thinking that for the work i put in, i really want more ppl to see it and um more interaction here. i mean, my Cbox is still empty!! goodness me. maybe i shall go post around in other sites and plug myself so that ppl around the world can come round too. and that makes me itch even more because now i feel like getting hosted. i've been trying to visit Autum (who was my previous host) but she's been on hiatus for the longest time. sighh. i understand how it goes i guess.. she's really cool, so keep clicking and perhaps one day she'll be back. :D

Speaking of which, i realised that i designed a layout for my very own domain a while back, except splot.net no longer provided the budget hosting thing anymore so i think i gave up that idea. i'd like to try again in the future, but not anytime soon i guess.. i don't expect myself to have enough time on my hands next year to maintain one..

Hmm. ok. i think i shall aptly end of by telling u all to CHATTER AWAY at the CBOX and CRITIC AWAY by commenting.. maybe ur can tell me how to improve, like perhaps adding new featureS?

Oh btw, the meez at the bottom is a character i created, i'll update her pic randomly that'll represent what i've been wearing, @ where, doing what. haha. i'll inform when i do change it i guess.

OK!! really leavin now.. cya~

a peek at the new hair..

2006-12-01T11:05:00.000+08:00

Hello there, that's my new hair on a ~~good~~better day..

And my hair looks positively THE SAME when i tie it up, from in front that is..

AHA. look at that miserable rabbit tail of mine.

cut hair..

2006-11-30T11:39:00.000+08:00

hello all, if u guys have visited sc's or siew's blog recently, u'd have known i cut my hair!! and i'm slowly getting used to the fact. it has its nice days.. but short hair just likes to be wild.. so i get pretty annoyed with it. i expected it to be longer.. but no use crying over spilt milk right?

hoho. so i've been trying to make it look better, instead of whining.. hmm. basically i just smooth it down la. lol. nothing spectacular. :P

interestingly, i find that i don't consciously feel that there's any difference with my hair. Maybe cos when i had it long i didn't really bother with it since it's just long and boring. (that was the reason i gave myself to cut my hair.. yikes) yea, cos on a daily basis, long hair is rather boring and hard to maintain, besides my hair was frizzing too.. just wanted a little cut, but now i've shorter-than-expected cut. (yes i'm still sore about it)

Speaking of frizzing, i was looking through the guardian catalogue and saw products like the sunsilk leave-on conditioner and the vidal sassoon 2-way styling brush (which allows u to curl and straighten i'd believe) and i wanted them!! they were what i've been looking for when i had long hair. sudden realisation came to me that i no longer really needed them. but HECK! i still want them anyway. i'm sure they still work for me now, and i'll grow my hair again. (rude interjection: my wishlist is updated!) gee. i sound spoilt. i think i'm just bitter...

i hope to do mild xmas shopping this year. but i'm rather unhappy to spend too much. haha. i'm stingy. :P so if any of u dun get presents from me, NVM ok? cos i won't be buying many. and for those who get my pres.. then NVM if it's too cheapo ok? haha. i find this hilarious. now i think i'll be buying myself a present too. how nice. :D hmm. when's zing and siew coming back? zing should be back right? what happened to the sleepover?

2006-11-23T12:13:00.000+08:00

hey there ppl. first of all, i must do this long overdue plug. my dad's now with ERA, so he's a real estate agent! OMG. but yea, so if anyone wants to sell/buy/rent places, please leave a comment or contact me or sth. (: much thankS~

ok, besides that point. my arm is hurting madly as i type this. esp my left arm. ouch. for the cca leaders' thing yesterday, we did rock-climbing. it was fun and all, but i pushed myself too hard for the last climb i think.. my leg muscles n shoulder r now fine, but my left arm is seriously painful. >_< which is y i'm not at the cca briefings that r now being done as we speak.. goodness me. knew i was weak. but OUCH. feels like i tore sth... may8be i just overstretched.

hmm. today's the release of psle results. wonder how felix will do.. oh well.

siew> thanks for ur concern!! hehe. yea, one of these days i'll find a time to return u ur notes. yikes. hehe. when're u leaving??

zing dear> yat!! i wanna go sleepover!! think can.. must tell me again k? then i'll call u soon too.. (: hehe. love u~

ok. have to go off now. arm really hurts, so i'm typing with my right hand only.. i dun wanna strain my right arm. haha. then i'll be as good as armless..

2006-11-18T13:34:00.000+08:00

hello ppl. ok. sc has shifted blog and siew has changed layout. seems like i should do some updating. everybody's been telling me to blog. -_-" sighh.

so anyway, for those who don't know, i have these vesicular blisters at a corner on my palm... they itch like crazy and form crusts and affects other areas when burst. how cool is that? anyway, it's been for some time. but a few days ago, they look like they could turn me into one of those lifesize bubble wraps u use to cushion fragile items. so i went online to really research about it. the doctor said it was pomphylox, so i looked that up. and i realised i've been applying steroid creams or sth like that. and there's no cure, only treatment. possible causes: genetic, psychological stress, chemical irritation, food reaction. SO, i have no idea. but whatever. so now i'm trying not to eat seafood.. and um. get rest and whatnots. the doc said it could disappear without reason too. so, hope that day arrives.

Anyway, i was designing the camp booklet for dec council camp.. and then i was looking through my past works to hopefully get some inspiration. i must say i was so motivated by my past creations! now i wanna do a new layout for myself. i even wanna start a personal site again, and get hosted and everything! but i doubt i can for now. ): gah.. Even if i do, i'll be letting my host down cos my updates are like miserable. anyway, i'll be doing new layout, that's for sure. i realise that i also have a few layouts i did previously, but they didn't get the chance to be uploaded. hehe. so i may put some of them up. or maybe allow any of u guys to use them, if u guys want that is.. but i'll have to remove the "eyes2envy" label. haha. speaking of which, i CANNOT FIND MY THUMBDRIVE. I'm devastated now because half of my other graphics works are in there! T_T ok. i'll be seriously glad when i find it. then maybe i'll have even more layouts to share! woohoo~ and then i realise i owe some ppl layouts anyway. blahhh. and i'm supposed to be home studying, bleah. oh. i have some student leaders' training thing coming up this tues and wed. i really hope i can enjoy it. -cross fingers-

And some of my classmates are going out today!! -cries- my sisters are all going. so this is terribly unfair. i'm grounded. geezzz. ok. nvm.. oh! i received a wonderful registered mail yesterday... cassandra surprise-visited me. O_O haha. then i got her addicted to puzzle bobble. also, would like to find out what SYNC did yesterday. they went out!! i was supposed to as well, but once again, I shall reiterate that I am GROUNDED! ok. everyone cry for me. lol...

that's all for now. look out for my new layout. and um. remind me to get off my lazy butt if i don't appear to be doling out something new.

2006-09-29T17:29:00.000+08:00

arghhhhhhhh. i just typed a whole ANGRY entry about how i lost my wallet and now it's gone. i mean, it made my mood so much better huh?

Someone please return me my wallet... MY IC!! MY EZLINK CARD. just return it. grr.

i lost it at causeway point. i dunno how any of u can help me. but if u remotely can, please do so!!! >.< (most suspected place: cathay cinema in causeway point...) blaaaaaaaaa.

crappy.

2006-08-23T21:06:00.000+08:00

hey folks. i know i promised some ppl to update some stuff. like for instance, to blog some stuff about dr siva for zing's viewing pleasure.. or to reply to the previous comments.

but all i can say is.. CRAP! one day of school totally strips u off all the energy u can possibly have.. after yesterday's nice break, i manage to get some work done and also sufficient rest. and i thought WOW! this is utterly rejuvenating! i can get on my feet and run again!

unfortunately, i realise today that even a short day as wednesdays... you can feel utterly dismayingly tired out. sniffles. and now i am trying to motivate myself to do some work.. every second counts! (so says mrs chin today..)

Well, what happened was that today mrs chin gave us a pep talk during CT session and showed us the analysis of grades, observations and future goals and blah. yea. maybe i didn't really bother because i KNOW all that stuff. putting into action what u know is a whole new ballgame though. but i'm trying. well. will try. so TIME is important now. except. there really isn't time. i know i know. i'm spending time typing this when i could be doing sth else.. FINE. i'll do sth to compensate for this later. but there isn't time because we still have to attend school. lots of time is wasted there.. even though they argue against it.

and if they kept teaching more and more and more. we'll never be able to REVISE wat's being taught now. arghh. ok. whatever. this is starting to get so typically angsty.

oh and btw, yesterday i flipped through my forgotten computer archive of photos. esp those of this year.. well. more specifically the START of the year.. gosh. those were the days. i din think they were all that great then... but. i can only say WOW. it was fun. and things have changed.. but i think some things are also quite rosy.. heh. maybe i shall discuss this another time. (:

K Lunch

2006-08-10T21:59:00.000+08:00

i went to kbox for the 2nd time in my life today!! whoo~ -claps- my voice today was pretty good too, which was surprising. but i sadly still cannot sing "shan1 hu2 hai3" properly.

And there was this package called KLunch, they give u lunch (incl. a kind of bento meal and a drink) and 1.5 hours of singing time. It was pretty yummy, truth be told. In fact, i really liked the vege, which actually tasted like preserved jellyfish. (the kind u get at wedding dinners as part of the cold dish?) 1.5 hours is really not much, u seriously don't feel satisfied.. went with fred today. And so, we proved a point that 1.5 hours is not even enough for 2 people, much less a larger crowd. Oh, and it's $9++, which came up to about $11.. Well, i can only say... at least the food was not bad!! ^^

Anyway, being enslaved to the education system here, we dragged ourselves to the Orchard library to do some work. which we did! but it was pretty uncomfortable cos we had no table, we had to do everything on our lap and with our heads bent down. After all that mugging, our necks were aching a whole lot.. gee. Anyway, we both did math. And i still find it amazing how we complement each other in math, even though we're both bad at it. If we were to take a math paper together though, I'm sure we can score real high.

Gah. I realise my recent posts have all been pretty depressing. It's not like i want to be like that though .. I guess I'm so tired that all i think of are sad thoughts. I know it has an ill effect on others and I should try to stop.. eeps. I'll try..

and SH's nick seriously bugs me. the whole countdown is taking a toll on me. (simply because i haven't done anything about it)

kids..

2006-08-09T21:41:00.000+08:00

i went to NTU with fred's PW group yesterday for their interview.. quite interesting, i learnt something new. I realise it's not good to be in a field of work for too long, as u'll just become an ill-informed old fogey. The lecturer did not know that there was such a thing as "Project Work" for A levels now, even though he's in the education sector.. He's a humans and political science lecturer!! I would've thought he was more in the loop of everything in Singapore.. Oh well, i guess i cannot blame him entirely.. maybe the same thing would happen on me.

I believe the problem lies in that people just get too comfortable in their routine that all they ever care about anymore is in their immediate field of knowledge. After all, that's the thing that helps them get the dough. For example, if you've been a hawker/doctor all ur life... u could just become oblivious to other things. A hawker may be in the know of all things food, but nothing else. Likewise, a professional like a doctor could very well be too caught up with the new medicines and treatments that they no longer bother about matters concerning the other fields. blab. i duno if that makes sense, bottomline is: we should never forget to reflect about life and why we choose to do the things we do. We should always spend the time to find out the things we don't HAVE to know, but simply to broaden our knowledge. Basically, to remember to smell the flowers even as we're making our trip to the destinations we've set for ourselves.

On another note, I was in a fairly accomodating mood yesterday i think. Usually, i hate kids. How they scream and bawl. How they scurry around among your legs even though u could step on them any time and get blamed for being callous individuals.

But anyway, a grand total of 3 kids were in my vicinity on the train home.. I actually smiled at them when they stared at me.. i was also being exceptionally patient when they cried. or should i say, screamed.. maybe i just miss the times when i was once this carefree. and nobody would care even if i drooled all over. haha. that's just a random thought i got. ^^ i tried to recall memories from those years, and i could remember none. Maybe that's why they were so carefree, because nothing mattered back then, but the pessimistic way of looking at it is probably that we wasted the time... especially since we can never take anything from then to the next phase of life.. well, not usually anyway..

My temper seems a little fiery lately. i can just get mad anytime. it's better if i keep quiet. which i try to. but i just snapped at my mum. believe me, there's always a good reason, but i just never bother saying it. and then i'll end up feeling so choked up that i'll explode. i wish there was something i could cause bodily harm to.. and a place where i can scream it all out. but no... we're no longer babies.. it'll be irrational and out of place to scream whenever we want.

boo.

2006-08-05T15:06:00.000+08:00

ahha. i guess nobody ever bothers reading my blog anymore because i don't update.

oops.

many things have happened and i dunno where to start, it's basically inertia, just like the "after-PE-after-break inertia syndrome" Mrs Ong talks about all the time... it's been so long, i don't recall where i left off, and nothing's fresh anymore. You just never want to restart or continue i guess..

enough of that crap. it's been such a busy period, and i expect things to get worse. :S Promos are not too far away at all. It's pretty scary. The coming national day celebrations are about all that we can look forward to now, afterwhich it's a whole spate of cramming and then not long after it'll be judgment day. The question of promotion to JC2 suddenly hits me, i worry... Oh well. I feel sad that i'm not doing well in subjects i like.. I heard that people start to perform really well in year 2. hope that is true.. i'll try to work hard...

I looked through some of those scholarship guides and realised that... i have a limited scope of real passion. I mean, i find most things interesting and engaging, but to hold my attention and to envision myself doing these things all my life... probably not. I would say there are about 3 things i can safely say i would like to do.. but i have grown to realise it really isn't just my own decision.. and I doubt i can get the support i need.. oh well.

bah.

2006-06-02T22:23:00.000+08:00

hello all. i'm back. after... (way too long) yea, whatever.

Hmm, after watching the channel 5 screening of X-men, made me think of Xmen3 that i recently watched. That, and i visited fye5tones blog... where r-5tone posted a really gay pic.. of prince. (ok, who knew what his name was or who he is? At least until i saw that post...) Anyway, as these two things came into my mind, i realised i just HAVE TO complain about one of the mutants in xmen3! gosh, i have totally NO IDEA what his/her gender was or what his powers were, but everytime he came onscreen, i said really loudly to my dad "ARGHHH get him off the screen, that weird. THING." and i think many people around me (or not-that-around me even) heard me say that. i suddenly felt like there were secret fans of his/her trying to kill me. whoo~ but OMG. it was agonising.. on the whole, i would say it wasn't too bad a movie.

Today is Jaime's birthday. And thankfully, i remembered that it is June TODAY. haha. if not, i'd totally have missed it, just like i missed chia ming's :'( Which i totally forgot until quite long later! acks. so i didn't even wanna say anything.. but the thing is we haven't given them their presents! gosh. sam, cm, and jaime! Sam still not so bad, cos the gift is "ready" but the rest, we haven't a clue even what to get them. sort of. haha. :P

Sunday!! We're off to CAMP! some weirdo adventure thingum. i dun really wish to go. doesn't sound very enticing when we hear about them from the Apollo people.. i heard fred's class has blogged about it, i must go see. prepare myself.. GEE!! ok, i shall go scare myself now. cya~

quizzes

2006-05-07T15:26:00.000+08:00

You Have Low Self Esteem 24% of the Time

Generally, you feel pretty darn great about who you are, even when you mess up or fail.
Occasionally, a huge setback will make you question yourself, but you pick yourself up quickly.

How is Your Self Esteem?

Your Theme Song is Beautiful Day by U2

"Sky falls, you feel like
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away"

You see the beauty in life, especially in ordinary everyday moments.
And if you're feeling down, even that seems a little beautiful too.

What's Your Theme Song?

You Are 20% Evil

You are good. So good, that you make evil people squirm.
Just remember, you may need to turn to the dark side to get what you want!

How Evil Are You?

Popular Kid

In high school, everyone knew your name - even if you didn't know theirs.

In fact, your still skating by on your looks and charm. Nothing wrong with that!

Who Were You In High School?

Mechanical Contrivium.

2006-05-07T14:52:00.000+08:00

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Daphne!

Daphne was the first Tsar of Russia!
Daphne will become gaseous if her temperature rises above -42°C.
Ideally, daphne should be stored on her side at a temperature of 55 degrees.
Without daphne, we would have to pollinate apple trees by hand.
Daphne is the largest of Saturn's moons.
Moles are able to tunnel through 300 feet of daphne in a day.
South Australia was the first place to allow daphne to stand for parliament.
The colour of daphne is no indication of her spiciness, but size usually is!
While performing her duties as queen, Cleopatra sometimes dressed up as daphne!
It takes forty minutes to hard-boil daphne.

ahha. i think this is pretty cute. the title sounds so deep, i wonder what it really means. ok, i MAY just check the dictionary for it! wow. go me.

sisterhood.

2006-04-08T08:57:00.000+08:00

hello!~ been long since i updated again. about the skirt in the previous post? i changed it for a t-shirt and a flowy purple skirt. wahaha. cos their similar designed skirts are all too micro to wear. wahaha. i had to top up money though. i can't believe that tiny skirt was worth about the most expensive thing in the shop! i shall not gripe but say my thanks! :D

In other random news, my ears are quite fine! ^^ i mean, as in, they no longer give me that much problems when i change my studs. yay~ oh, and yunpei, siewhong and i are now wearing triplet ear studs. ehheh. oh speaking of which, we are now called sisterhood, but i think even that is a temporary name, till we find something better-sounding. wahah. fye5tone still prefer DG, so i think they're gonna (quote jasper) "screw that" and continue calling us DG. so anyway, our members are yp, sh, SC and me. haha. yes, SC! he's our xiao mei. and zing... ur our honorary member. i am da jie, and ur the "ZUI DA!" haha. weiguang says sc is our anomaly, and faith n cherlyn are their anomaly. lol. hoping to forge some ties, and gain affliation. wahaha.

OH NO! I NEED MY PI!~ my idea got rejected and i dunno what to do now, PI is due next week, bah! now PW lessons are all "go to library and do ur research" but. but. sigh. just hope i dun fail it.

going RJ today, can see zing!! (: yay. yesterday i was about to go home, then i saw CM at her bench, then i went over and stayed for about 2 hours just to talk. chernwei, soonhuat and jin rong were there too. haha. they r quite funny. ^^ then cw left halfway, and we continued talking. yea... anyway i left about 6+ i had fun la, catching up with her and learning about so much of her class. hahahaha.

and then i was quite inspired by soon huat cos he was doing tut while talking. and then the whole atmosphere there was like "study hard! play hard!" yea, but my "inspired self" will just switch back in no time. always the case.. ah well.. that's all for now i guess. cya

birthday!!

2006-04-01T11:43:00.000+08:00

hello all! thanks for all the well wishes! and pressies! ^^ ohoh, and happy birthday to elaine and jasper too, whose birthdays fall a day/ two days after mine respectively. ^^

I felt really loved that day! So, thank you allll! :D my wishlist has gone down by a lot if u look to the left. ^^ hmm. actually, i did get a non-flare skirt. EXCEPT!! sam, cm, jaime and zing (+ yuhan, yuxi, jiawei n sc!) got me a crazyyy one. it's WAY too short! hardly covers my butt. i'm gonna try to exchange it later. :S

So anyway, i'm gonna thank the pppl with the presents. Thank you, SYNC! Fye.5tonE , siew hong, yunpei, rina, Cass, Fred, Daichao, renyi, faith, joey. mummy, daddy!! <3 thanks wenhui for ur card! n eric for ur card that could never get to me. *_* thanks all~~ ^^ n all the smses! hehe

yayy

2006-03-28T21:24:00.000+08:00

i'm in pretty high spirits now even though i've been rather tired. -yawn- hehe. tmr's my birthday!! don't really know why i'm so excited since birthdays are often disappointing when u expect too much. and i've learnt not to expect a lot for the past few years, but there's been a refreshing new wave of happiness as this year's birthday came around.

And it started off on Sunday. In the morning, i went to sao3 mu4 at Peck San Theng.. then i saw Meiqi (NY), Zhexi (HC) and a teacher from Ares too. hmm. it was like a big shock to me, cos i dun usually meet anyone i know when i visit every year. ANYWAY, the main part of the day was spent at Bugis Junction!! Fred brought me out! yayy. (: n he also got me pressies. :D and we had unexpected finds at the night market near my house. ^^ it was a really good day, which started off my week on a very high note.

The next big thing happened yesterday night (mon)! my mummy n daddy brought me to cuppage centre to get my new phone! It's a W550i, it's pretty cool n we got discounts on plans. I now have a better and cheaper plan. woot~ the phone takes some getting used to, but it's pretty good, and it is a lot more functional and less restrictive compared to my old phone. It's not the latest hot thing, but it still looks funkay! yay. but it's a really loud phone. :S But now i seriously miss the mirror/screen i had on the LG phone! now i've no portable mirror around me. lol..

hmm. today.. was quite a bland day. and tmr.. would be a great day!!! (i hope, ahha.) I think it's not because i recieved gifts that made me really happy, it's the feeling of being loved! *_* yayyy. ok. i shall stop my sleepy hyper banter now. :P cya~

2006-03-14T18:14:00.000+08:00

omg. i was gonna publish a post. and it disappeared. grr. forget it.

2006-03-14T17:51:00.000+08:00

hello. it's been so long! >.< href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2406/536/1600/P3090653.jpg">

Geraldine's birthday celebration.. A few past contestants came back. incl. Yinwei. (my mum's absolute favourite. lol)

Random ppl.. yinwei, khim, mei gui, renfred..

Geraldine!! hehe.

ok. the photos aren't really good. cos it was during the break, when the lights on stage aren't really conducive for photo taking. and u can't use flash! aha. okie.. tt's all.

invest 06!

2006-02-23T18:42:00.000+08:00

helllo all. today is NYSC's invest day! (: wore the hc formal U over.. felt kinda odd. haha. I think PJC's outift is SO COOL! I love it! hehe.. esp. the tie! :D and Janice went on and on about how TJC's was nice. gah. (._. )

Annyywayyy, saw a lot of my batchmates again! And juniors and the NEW juniors. heh heh. miss them! felt so familiar walking the steps and making my way into the audi once again, but this time as a guest.. does feel pretty weird! all the anxiety and excitement, all different... feel very touched and grateful by and for the new council! great job to all my juniors! :D Hope they'll work towards the goal of their theme: Novare Res (Latin for Revolution) They'll be better and greater! whoo~

Hmm, took some photos.. i'll give a sneak preview here. The rest are uploaded into an online album.. which url is gonna be flashed after the photos below:

S4 PRC '05 (: Chiobus!

dignified PRC ' 05!

PRC '06! + us (:

Me and Cheryl cutie! (:

suhui + me!

Hmm.. more photos can be found here

Zing's bday!

2006-02-23T18:10:00.000+08:00

ZING IS...

a proud owner of a new pair of converse shoes!!
very happy to find her relative!
greatly loved...
and admired!

hehe, this is a nice tribute to zing for her birthday which was yesterday! Happy Birthday Zing! <3

summary of the week.

2006-02-17T21:56:00.000+08:00

wow. it's been a really tiring week.. esp. after Valentine's Day. The night before that, i was getting ready all my presents in their rightful bags and nicely packing some of the more special ones. But i din wrap any present (Paiseh :X) cos i was too lazy and i have no wrapping paper. lol. So on the day itself, i was carrying loads of things in my hands to school, i thought i'd finally managed to relinquish everything in my hands.. but.. i came back with another pile of presents! (not that i'm unhappy, cos i feel really loved. THANK YOU!!)

unopened present from rina

Opened, tada! <3

Hehe, that's my favourite present of VDay! i think she put in so much effort, and made it so nice, i can't believe she still thinks it's shabby or sth.. it's great! thanks rina! Also thanks to everyone else who got me sth: QL, Zing, CM, Jaime, Sam, Cass, Fred, Yuxi, Cherlyn, SC! u were all great! And i am thankful to have such greattt ppl like u around me. ahh..

So i suffered a hangover for the longest time, and i've been really really tired during lessons ever since that day and everynight i miss out on my beauty sleep. there was cross country on wed... And just yesterday night, i went to watch the first night of dramafeste! It was pretty good, much to my amazement! Not trying to be bias here, but i think Ares is really good, probably the best. The cast is great, crew + set is well-timed and designed, well-directed and prepared, and lights + theatre stylistics-wise superb! The possible fac that could beat us is probably Apollo, but i think it's a little crude... with too many innuendos. And WHY does everyone love dick all of a sudden? o.O Oh! and Jia came for dramafeste! i didn't know and i could hardly recognise him, he looks like he walked out of the "I not stupid Too" set. :S

Jia n me.

Anyway, my week doesn't stop here cos tmr I have a grooming course with my class from 9-5. I seriously should go get some sleep.. goodnight!

yay

2006-02-12T12:38:00.000+08:00

after all that results saga. i'm happy to say that i got an A2. and I'm rather contented. :D i wasn't really nervous until Friday morning itself.

Before the actual release, there was a slideshow about our results and the nation's results. And it seemed like ominous news when they said our HCL wasn't too well done, and some ppl failing it. That was the thing that got me really really afraid. In fact, i don't know what came over me, but a few steps after i took my results, I started crying, just so relieved and so happy with myself. Perhaps, it's just been too long since i did something that made myself so proud. Even my mum said that it was the first time in a long time she recieved a happy results phonecall from me. sigghh..

Hmm.. oh yea, i feel really indignant about the broadcasted results. The Cedar girl was reportedly the only girl in singapore to get 10 A1s? is that right? Then what happens to the 9 girls in NYGH to get 10 A1s huh? I thought it was pretty stupid if they wanted to interview the girls but not show it anyway. They are so @#%$%!@#$ bias. geez.

Anyway, I'm proud of everyone who did well. made me inspired in one way or another. I want to work hard, but i always lack the motivation. AHH!! Just yesterday, i felt like my "glorious" A2 is the final sweet ending point of my years as a student. BUT i wake up today remembering there's still JC life, tutorials, lectures blah. Redeeming event? VALENTINES' DAY~ It's not really special, but at least it's an excuse for celebration. ooh.. and x country too! (I'm beginning to like running.. or rather, brisk walking. the whole PE programme must have rubbed off on me) hehe

Ooh! I got new specs! And i got a fringe! (DIY~) ok.. cya~

boo..

2006-02-07T21:17:00.000+08:00

sigh, so tired these few days! boo... i'm going to sleep soon! even though i'm sure it'll drrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaggggggggg. Then I'll lose my chance to sleep earlier! (gah. always happens)

hmm, let's see.. i was so blur today and i left all my homework at home, cos i was doing them last night. AFterwhich, i left everything on my table, this morning i assumed it was already all in my file, i brought the thick file.. w/o the most important things. -_-" Luckily Ms Yang, Mrs Ong and Dr Siva were ok about it.. sparingly so though.

oh! the gone-with-the-wind mailbox has finally been restored. we've now got the green paperONE box. Rina (my angel)wrote back today in this really nice paper wrapped in aluminium foil. (must have taken ages to make!) BUT!!! she said she didn't recieve my gift. which was inside the envelope. which i handed to her personally!!! :'( i think it probably slipped out when she took the letter out. It is still in a plastic wrap.. ahh!!! (i'm seriously hoping by some miracle we'll find it again) sigh. but anyway, on a great note, Rina's a wonderful person! <3 (r u reading this? :D) I haven't had the energy to write today. Tuesdays are so taxing. ): Mondays too. Tmr is a good day, but I've infocomm training from 1400-1700! It's madnessss. What's more, i was sabo-ed into this position. boo. To tell the truth, back in NYAV we were 'beyond' these day-to-day equipment, we mostly specialise in photo, video, lights and sound. We took charge of events, perfs... not the classroom projector or sth! That was the AV rep's job! I wasn't very proficient in those stuff anyway... -_-" ahh, but what's done can't be undone, so i shall just be good and attend tmr's training. (lest Dr. Siva does some extra twists and turns on the visualiser again.)

Friday's the official date for 'O' level results' release. I honestly feel nervous. But Chen Lao Shi's anxiety must be extreme. I really hope I don't fall below my prelim grades... I want to know that I really am justified to pride myself in Chinese. Even though I am really a mediocre student in class... (based on test results). I guess I've to be thankful that I only have one subject to worry for... Yuhan and Yuxi seem so relaxed, but they're so smart! -sigh-

On a random note, mum is unhappy that Yin Wei is out of campus superstar, but she's looking forward to revival round... I on the otherhand hope that Geraldine will be able to perform her best at revival round and return to compete. >_<"

I was gonna say "AHH!!! I can't wait for..." then i forgot what was the 2nd part of the line. oh gosh. this amnesia thing strikes really badly when i'm sleepy. We've a 'familiarisation run' for next week's X-Country tmr, 0920(?). gosh, never heard of it in my life, why must we run all day. they really LOVE to make us run. geeee. >_< ok!!! i better not procrastinate on my sleep!!! byebye~

tired of the sadness.

2006-01-31T12:39:00.000+08:00

i guess we all try very hard to maintain the balance we've found in our lives. and we struggle to maintain a grip on the things we've achieved. we cannot let go. sometimes we KNOW it's better to give up, but we refuse. maybe if we stop to think some more... we'll understand that breaking these strands that bind us down is the fastest and perhaps even more painless way to live...

better to leave with a good impression than to remember only the wounds.

i'm unhappy with my life. in almost all aspects. i guess i can only work on myself now. like CNY wasn't bad enough.

oof.

2006-01-30T21:05:00.000+08:00

i'm dead beat! i think i need lots of sleep. i think i should get it now! :D so i shall.. hehe.

oh, and tmr is homework-juggling day. CNY is T_T. (oh no is that inauspicious to say? -sniff-)

Meanwhile...
come on, tell me about ur day today!! click below and type away!

[btw zing, thanks for your comment! whee~]

first day of lunar new year.

2006-01-29T21:56:00.000+08:00

i was abruptly woken up from my sweet sleep this morning because we had to go visiting. oh gosh... i slept after it struck twelve and was obviously lacking my sleep by a far shot. -yawn- anyway, it was pretty bland, i think the older u get, the less exciting CNY is to u. Things just seem to be overdone, and not even the red packets entice u much more, because it decreases every year. ah well...

So anyway, we came back after eating at my 4th aunt's place.. we had visitors for a short while and then that was about all.

The only really exciting (more of painful) thing that happened today is the total failure of me and my earholes cooperating. I couldn't fully insert my earrings in the morning before i left, but we were running out of time, therefore i decided to do it on the way.. However, throughout the course of the day, i still couldn't succeed. T_T so i ended up leaving it hanging halfway for the whole day. When i got back, it was terribly sore... i tryied to poke it in entirely with my ear studs, but they did not work... and surveying many (on top of looking at myself in the mirror), we could find NO hole at the back of my ears, which probably meant it had already closed up. Which we concluded so.. ): We were gonna let it totally close up then pierce another hole. But deciding to give it a BIG SHOT, i asked my dad to look again. He has an amazing pair of hands that basically are MADE FOR SURGEONS. (too bad he didn't study) So anyway, he took a look with his glasses and torch and finally found the hole, i then requested for him to insert the stud from the back to hopefully clear the blockage. It hurt so badly! Anyway, he succeeded after two pokes, by then it was totally clear and i was just too relieved for words. I've just upped my pain threshold again! What a way to start the new year, and i was just SO thankful for my dad. >_<

Looks like i can't wear the yellow hook earrings i bought for CNY. ): we'll have to see i guess.

Okie, seems like a long day for me tmr... i'm going off to JB to visit more relatives. Have to leave about 7+ AM. T_T So i guess i've to maximise my sleep by turning in earlier! :D

Before i end though, i have to say that i'm REALLY amused by yao yang's first day of lunar new year. Those from 06S74 might understand best what i mean, but others who aren't, u can still read this. (it's kind of an inside joke, but i believe some might still understand) I've to run off to fill in those cross-border white cards now! tata~

p.s. Is anyone reading this yet? Might wanna leave a sign? :D

hello world.

2006-01-28T23:32:00.000+08:00

hullo! new blog for new year!! hehe. (: i'll be blogging here from now on... everything is gonna be new n refreshing! :D i'll be adding a few new features soon!! (e.g. tagboard, archive links... etc. meanwhile, do comment on the layout! decided to go simple this time.) Also pls tell me if u wanna be linked, just click below to comment for communication! (: